What your car says about community

Generally speaking, I'm against bumper stickers. And I think a limit should be set as to how many you can have on your car. Like, if you can no longer see the bumper of your car, that's too many.

Now I have been known to laugh out loud at a bumper sticker before, but for the most part I’m tired of seeing Calvin peeing on a truck brand (or kneeling at a cross) or a reference to your smart kid and his or her school (or how your kid beat up that kid). And occasionally, one really makes me mad; such is the case as I traveled home two days ago.

Picture it. You’re driving along, minding your own business, toddler in the back chattering happily. A nice tan Cadillac, with a middle-aged gentleman approaches on the left side and begins to pass you. Then his bumper practically screams in your face: "Abortion doesn't make you UNpregnant. It makes you the mother of a dead baby." (and in red!)

Seriously? Did the vehicle owner look at that bumper sticker in the bumper sticker store and think, “Man, thank goodness I found a sticker that so eloquently expresses my very thoughts!”? I’ll try to give the benefit of the doubt - that it’s just misguided passion for an important issue. But Mr. Tan Cadillac man, please scrape that sticker off!

When we decide to prominently display our opinion on our shirts or blogs or bumpers, we need to remember to speak the truth with grace and love. Sometimes we get so caught up in speaking our mind, we undermine the very point we’re trying to make. In the example above, the car owner is obviously trying to persuade women to not get abortions, but do you think that’s an effective way to do it? Not really. Most likely, it would make a woman considering abortion angry or frustrated. And does a woman who has received an abortion experience God’s grace and love through those words? Does heaping on more shame and judgment draw her to Christ?

If we want to build community (and God’s kingdom), we need to be careful with our words, always seasoning them with an extra measure of grace and love.

Book Review - Wishing on Dandelions

And while we're still on the topic of dandelions...here's a book review that I've been meaning to post, and now find it quite appropriate to do so.

If you are looking for a book that stirs your emotions and keeps you up until the wee hours of the morning, then I highly recommend Wishing on Dandelions by Mary DeMuth. WOD is the sequel to DeMuth’s debut novel, Watching the Tree Limbs. Although it took me a little longer to be drawn into this second book, it surpasses the first. WTTL focuses on redemption, and as a natural progression, WOD focuses on learning how to accept God’s love and growing deeper in understanding our redemption.

I found this story heavier that the first book, despite the fact that the main traumatic events occur to Maranatha in WTTL. For me, I identified on a deeper level with the struggle to fully grasp and accept that God loves me despite all my faults. While I enjoyed the first book, I connected more with the second. I appreciated the new characters Mary introduced as well. Some of them I liked immediately, and only wished to know them more. Some of them had to grow on me, but the more glimpses I got into their hearts, the more I wanted to know about their back stories. Still others I appreciated for the reality of their humanity. One character in particular I really thought was going to have a change of heart after he heard Maranatha’s story, but he didn’t. In fact, the depth of the judgment in his soul only became more evident. At first I was appalled, but then quickly realized that people like that do exist and therefore have an appropriate - even necessary - place in a novel like this.

One of the many things I enjoy about Mary’s writing is that while she is a Christian author who discusses Christian values and issues, her books do not feel “Christian.” Do you follow me here? Writing a great story is what comes first for Mary, not writing a Christian story that she hopes is great. Of course, Jesus pours out onto her page, but that’s because He’s so pervasive in her life, not because she has an agenda to write about Him. I applaud her for writing reality, writing authentically and writing with excellence. It’s no wonder she’s nominated for a Christy Award.

Gotch

Recently, my daughter has really begun repeating words that I say, even after the first time hearing them. To my disappointment, though, she has yet to say “I love you” back to me. But I have become very fond of a little ritual we have, and I recently realized it was her way of saying she loves me.

One day a thunderstorm blew through, and in the midst of the flashes of light and loud rumbling, my daughter sought shelter in my arms. As I held her tightly, I reassured her with the phrase, “I got you.” She whispered back, “Gotch” and gave me a squeeze. Now, when she feels scared or when she’s being particularly sweet and cuddly, I often hug her tightly and say “Gotcha” - to which she always responds with a little squeeze and “Gotch.” It melts my heart every time.

When I am afraid - of the future, of the unknown, of how we’re going to live on our budget, of...of...of - I now think about that mental image and picture God holding me in His arms, whispering, “Gotch. You don’t have to be afraid. I am with you, even to the end of the age.”

When I’m discouraged - about life, about relationships, about my ability to be a good wife and mother - I hear God saying, “Gotch. I’ve got a plan for you. I have abundant life for you. I’ve equipped you with everything you need.”

When I’m weary and need a reassurance of His love, He’s there in my ear, “Gotch. Come to me and I will give you rest. Sit with me. Drink deeply. I love you.”

Do you hear Him saying it to you?

Gotch.

Smallness of Scale

My friend LL Barkat, over at Seedlings in Stone, recently began a series of posts on an agricultural book that she is reading. As usual, LL does a great job of applying seemingly unrelated topics (like farming techniques) to our every day life. Since I’m behind in commenting on her blog – and since I realize I have more to say about her topics than is probably appropriate for a comment – I’ve decided to blog on the topics here.

Her second blog explained a concept called “Smallness of Scale”. Basically, the technique of using smaller farms permitted attention to be acutely focused, with the proper attention paid to the details. LL offers some great thoughts and practical ideas for implementing “smallness of scale”, as do her readers. Overall, the idea that “less is more” is promoted.

I loved that thought and the ideas that accompanied it, and am still pondering the idea about really focusing on a smaller number of relationships, rather than many. However, one reader’s comment really struck me: Marcia said, “Tiny moments or gestures of love make me happy, small steps are big steps in my eyes, I love 'stolen moments'.” I loved that interpretation. I immediately remembered something Beth Moore said in a conference I attended yesterday (more specifically on the conference in a forthcoming post) – “God doesn’t just have the power to change our lives, He has the power to change our day.” We keep looking for God do something way out in our lives (think big), and we miss the ways and the opportunities that God wants to do something in our today (think smallness of scale). Small things happen every day that are blessings or encouragement or learnings, and if we’re always looking for that big thing – we’ll miss out on so much. Likewise, performing those small deeds of kindness and love are just as important and just as powerful (if not, sometimes, more) as those huge, outrageous acts of love. It’s amazing the response I receive every time I drop a friend a little note of encouragement in the mail, or send her my prayer for the day for her in an email or call her up just to say that I’m glad she’s my friend. When I pay attention to little things that make my husband’s day easier and that encourage him and that communicate that I love him – just little things – they touch his heart deeply and motivate him.

When I think of smallness of scale in this way (in addition to the less is more perspective), I realize it is so easy to implement. Small things seem manageable, easier to fit into my every days.

For more on Smallness of Scale, check out LL's blog here .

Photo: Crossvine in Sue's backyard, 2005

An Experiment in Submission, Part 2

Last month I wrote about my experiment in submission. Since then, I continue to learn through experience that submission does not come easily for me. For some reason, at the time I wrote the first blog, I thought I had cracked the code to being a submissive wife. All I had to do was follow the formula, and I would live in harmony, intimacy and (I’ll be honest here) perfection with my husband.

I was wrong.

I began to enjoy the routine of preparing for my husband’s arrival. I liked having the house picked up and dinner ready for us to eat together as a family. Not that finding enjoyment and appreciating a clean house and a family meal are bad, but those soon became the reasons for my actions. My focus on encouraging my husband decreased as my own pleasure increased. And, as you might have guessed already, the positive effect on our marriage those actions originally had became void. Life was no different than it was before my experiment began.

And then came 16 days of scrapbooking insanity.

I walk away from this experience realizing that, for me, I need to find different ways to encourage my husband each day. I still intend to prepare for his arrival home each day, but I can’t depend on that to be my act of encouragement. I also understand that being busy or stressed is no excuse. I am hopeful that as time passes, this will become easier. Right now it still feels like everything goes to pot when our lives get crazy. I don’t want it to always be that way. Lastly, and most importantly, I am recommitted to the heart of this issue. As Elizabeth George puts it, I want to ensure that my husband is my highest human priority. I realize that’s what submission is really all about.

Photo: Family photo in Botanic Gardens, 2006

Letter to a Christian Nation

Yesterday, I sat down and read Letter to A Christian Nation by Sam Harris. Basically, it is his response to all of the hate mail he received from Christians after publishing his last book (The End of Faith). Although I'm sure not many Christians will read this book (and even Mr. Harris recognizes this), we should...because it is written to us. We should not be afraid to read books by people who hold a completely different viewpoint than us, and we should not write hate mail to them in response.

Mr. Harris makes some very good and important observations:
1) He begins with pointing out the fact that he, an atheist, and conservative Christians actually have some things in common. We both agree that either we are right or he is right...but we can't both be right. He is correct in pointing out that if we truly believe what our religion says, it leaves no room for us to allow for another way. He is critical of moderate and liberal Christians and their acceptance of all religions as acceptable paths to God.
2) He later points out that inter-faith efforts are pointless, since none of them(who truly believe in the tenets of their faith) are going to compromise on certain points of their ideology and values, and our core beliefs are not compatible.
3) That as Christians, we are sometimes so caught up in our "Christian values" and protecting them that we overlook the reality of suffering in our world. We focus on protecting ourselves even at the expense of the suffering of others.

On the whole, I agree with these observations. I don't agree with all of Mr. Harris' application of those observations, but I agree with the underlying point he is trying to make.

However, for such a seemingly intellectual man, I am surprised at the number of generalizations and definitive (always/never) statements that he makes without substantial facts to back them up. I had the overall sense that he was one of those people who is passionate about his beliefs and will argue all day over them, but that he is only using arguments and points that he has heard someone else use. His book does not lead me to believe he has done any real, objective, in-depth research himself. Sure he quotes some surveys, but he has clearly picked the quotes to support his opinions, not formed his opinions based upon the data.

Whether you agree with it or not, Lee Strobel's book The Case for Christ provides an excellent model for how to approach something like Christianity. If you don't trust Mr. Strobel, you could in the least follow his example (meaning, his approach) and conduct your own research. If I could encourage Mr. Harris to do anything, it would be to embark upon a research project like that. I'm not saying I think it would cause him to convert to Christianity, but I believe it would change his perspective on some of the issues he addresses.

The underlying issue that surfaces in Mr. Harris's book is the problem that most atheist seem to have: reconciling the concept of a loving, all-powerful God with the existence of suffering in the world. I agree this is a tough issue to face, but not one that is insurmountable. I also am pondering something my pastor mentioned to me tonight: that the issue atheists need to resolve is the existence of pleasure in the world. Why would it exist if we have merely evolved? Pleasure does not fit into the model of "survival of the fittest" and adapting to survive. And where would a desire for meaning and purpose in life come from, if not from a creator?

Anyway, this book offers some good insights and things for Christians to consider - about what we believe, how we behave and how we interact with the world. However, it is greatly lacking in any concrete, compelling reason to agree with Mr. Harris's assertion.

An Experiment in Submission

Uh, oh. There's the dreaded S-word. Right in the title. I said it. And I even implied that I might be dabbling in it.

Today this word is so loaded with different meanings and emotions that we shy away from discussing it. So let me clarify, to me submission is not about being mute, used and weak. I love the definition my pastor uses: submission is knowing the heart of the one you love and seeking to honor it.

Elizabeth George's A Woman After God's Own Heart recently convicted me to discover what it truly means to be my husband's helper. While her words were not new to me, they gently reminded me of my role as wife. Two phrases returned to me that I heard early in my marriage, "Remember, you're playing on the same team" and "As the homemaker, your role is to make your house a place your husband wants to home to." Since M has been born, I - as many women do - fell into the trap of spending all of my time focused on her. What little time I might have left over, I typically spent on myself. I had forgotten to place my husband first...even before my daughter. The tyranny of the urgent so easily overtakes us moms.

I set out to figure out how to be a better helper to my mate. I prayed that I could find ways to better serve him and be a better wife. The next day, a magazine came in response. I immediately spied the two page article on "Ways to Encourage Your Husband", filled with ideas submitted by women from around the globe. As I read the ideas, I was amazed that these women - most of them with 4 or more children - were able to pull off feats like having dinner ready when their husband got home, stopping their day an hour before Daddy got home to prepare for his arrival and encouraging him to take time for himself on the weekends doing thing he enjoyed. I realized I had no excuse.

I picked a couple of the ideas (the three I mentioned above) and implemented them immediately. I was amazed to find that having dinner ready wasn't too difficult, as long as I did just a little bit of planning in advance. And it wasn't too hard to plan in that extra hour before my husband got home. In fact, it made the getting dinner ready part easier. The weekends were a little more of a sacrifice, but I actually enjoyed doing it.

I found that my husband was extremely responsive. Our conversations had more depth, both of us acted with more grace and love toward each other, and even intimacy (physical and emotional) came naturally. I was thrilled with the results. I realized that this must be what submission is truly all about. It was fulfilling to be serving in the role God had designed for me, and it felt so right. My husband noted the difference, and I divulged my experiment. He told me that week he had felt more empowered, more confident and more like a leader.

The holidays came, and it was more difficult to walk in my new found role. I definitely noticed a difference in our relationship. Now that things are back to "normal" (whatever that is), I immediately implemented my experiment again. We'll see how it goes...and hopefully this time I can sustain it through whatever wrench might be thrown into our schedule.

Submission is a choice, ladies. And it's one I definitely recommend.

Photo: On the beach in Cape Town, South Africa, 2004